Tuesday, April 24, 2007
5:55 PM
What would you feel if you've been constantly lending support and giving advice to a depressed and confused friend, and then you find out that she's actually "irritated" with what you and other people have told her to do?
Wouldn't you be even remotely pissed?
I've tried to be as honest as possible, overly cautious not to be extremely harsh, because I understand that she's in such a delicate predicament. She's been the embodiment of doom and depression and negativity lately. I admit that I've gotten tired and frustrated with her at times, because she keeps asking me what I think about her problems, and I really analyze them, but being truthful about her options.
I've always stressed that the decision lies in her hands, because it appears to me that she can't make the decision on her own. She constantly asks other people what they think she should do, and although people can blabber on and on what they think, she's just too darn scared to stand up for herself.
And then I see her post about how "nakakairita" raw how people keep telling her it's up to her.
Sorry. I'm usually a very understanding friend, but it just really hurts how I learn this about her. I've gotten very affected by her situation, and I try to think of every possible angle, but it's just heartbreaking to know that she may not be appreciating my "irritating" advice after all.
Dumiskarte ka. Paano ka tutulungan ng ibang tao kung sarili mo hindi mo naman matulungan? Hindi mo rin naman pinag-iisipan paano tulungan ang sarili mo. You keep wallowing in despair, but you fail to see the light.
Bahala ka sa buhay mo.
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Friday, February 16, 2007
11:29 PM
My rapidly dwindling ATM account has seized me by the shoulders and has jolted me into reality.
I. Need. A. Job. ASAP.
I never intended this "break" to be a prolonged one.
In the 1st place, a lack of financial security sucks. Big time. Goodbye occasional Starbucks coffee. Goodbye occasional impulse buying. (But I guiltily bought mascara and eyeliner Tuesday night. Bad. Tsk, tsk.)
2nd, the boredom has begun to sink in, beginning yesterday. I was suddenly inspired to bake (something I'm not really experienced with), but the inspiration died the minute I saw my ATM receipt.Gosh, I didn't save a lot.
3rd, I don't want people to keep badgering me about my lack of income. It's irritating how the minute you say, "I resigned," they immediately assume the worst reason behind it. Fine, the term connotes weakness. But don't think that it was because I just got "tired" of working or I'm a lazy-ass. Because I'm not.
Anyhow, I began jobhunting again today. Well, I wasn't able to pass a lot of resumes, but that was a start. I'll be in Makati again next week to try my luck with ad agencies.
The real highlight of the day was getting to drop by my office and seeing my officemates again. It feels like two weeks already, but it's just been a week since I resigned. Whenever I see ULCH ads on TV or ULCH billboards, I still feel like I'm affiliated with them, but then I have to force myself to start thinking otherwise.
Add to that bumping into Wesh and Bernice Sandejas (happy bday Bernice! *hug*) and getting invited to dinner (with Janelle and Bernice Mendoza, no less!) It was great catching up with you, guys. :D
It's nice to know that some people are still genuinely happy to see you. :)
I'm excited for tomorrow! After 12 years, I finally get to go back to EK. With friends/ex-officemates. 12 friggin' years! The funny thing about it was that when my friend called to invite me, I was wearing my EK shirt! The last time I went to EK was back in 5th grade (read: 1995), when the amusement park just launched. Sadly, I wasn't even able to ride the Space Shuttle, because the park had to close already. *sniff*
Anyway, hope I get to ride every ride tomorrow! :)
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Wednesday, February 14, 2007
1:05 AM
I'm not going to talk about the details during my last day at work, which was last Friday, Feb. 9th.
Let's just say it had its sweet and bitter moments. I was overly touched with everybody's efforts to wish me the best and provide me with mementos during my 7 months stay at SMG.
But something just had to ruin that day. Which I could've dismissed as something which was coming anyway, or a deliberate attack to my forced chirpiness and nonchalance that day. It was something that had me bawling Sunday afternoon.
Anyway, I'm over that already, and it's kinda hard to adjust to the bum days again. I mean, I know it's not wise to resign and not have a job to transfer to, but I'm still in this state of limbo. I'm torn between pursuing what I already know how to do (convenience), and trying something new again. I mean, I'm still young, and I can still learn while I'm still young.
But is that just a waste of time?I'm frustrated because there are so many things I'm interested in doing, but I can't seem to pinpoint what I really want to do among them. I slowly realize how such a ms. play-it-safe I am. Am I that timid to take the leap? I seriously don't know.
I know my options. I just don't know which one I have to take. I just know what's most convenient.
I've been irritated with my dad lately, because he's been badgering me about my idleness and lack of action to find a new job. It's so hard to explain to him how I'm still confused with what I want to do. I know he's concerned about me, but his badgering isn't really helping.
Anyway, to help dull the ache of confusion, I spent the night with ex-officemates. We watched Music and Lyrics, which was really cute, mind you. If you're looking for a feel-good movie, then this is it, folks. :)
It was great seeing them again, but it's irritating as well that some of them gave me the cold shoulder as I passed by and attempted a smile and a wave.
Oh well. You never know how sincere people really are until you're down.
O-ho, so it's Valentine's already. I digress. *snort* Happy Singles' Awareness Day, everyone! :D
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Tuesday, February 13, 2007
12:37 AM
The Middle
by Jimmy Eat World
Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head
You feel left out or looked down on
Just try your best, try everything you can
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
When you're away
It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right
Hey, you know they're all the same
You know you're doing better on your own
So don't buy in, live right now
Yeah, just be yourself
It doesn't matter if that's good enough for someone else
It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right
It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right
Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head
You feel left out or looked down on
Just do your best, do everything you can
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say
It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right
It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right
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Wednesday, January 24, 2007
1:37 AM
Forgive me if this post appears incoherent or downright sabog (pardon the so uncreative subject title).
It's been a month since I last checked my LJ account (dang that IT blocking the net!), and so much has happened.
God.
First off, I finally submitted my resignation letter, and my last day will be on Feb 9. However, I think I'll end up extending my stay until mid Feb, because I promised I'd finish my presentation 1st before leaving. Hopefully this will not be the case.
At the time in December, after several failed attempts at having my resignation letter accepted, I was so decided and intent on leaving. Fine, I was tired. Fine, I was sick of the exhaustion and the constant brain soupification because of the presentation. But when I got back to work this year, I felt a lot lighter, that I was more capable to handle my responsibilities. Lately I've been more relaxed and laidback at work, that sometimes I feel I should've thought twice before I resigned.
But I don't feel the "spark"; the excitement, so-called, that an ideal work provides. I don't feel passionate about what I'm doing. Aside from that, I don't think my personality really matches this job. But when I think about it, I don't necessarily want my experience in media to go to waste either. But sometimes I'm doubting if I'm actually meant to be in the advertising industry altogether. Maybe I should really shift industries now. I seriously don't know.
The girl replacing me came in last week. She's really nice and she's uber smart and talented (stat graduate from UP and a chorale singer), which only makes me reaffirm how unsuited I am to this job. There certainly are a lot more qualified than I, and I think I should allow them the opportunity to work for something they might potentially really enjoy and excel in.
The people at work keep me happy but they also keep me confused and angry and sad. :(I love the kulitan moments and the sarcastic wisecracks, the silly imitations and the gossip. Oh, the gossip. I know it's not nice to talk about other people, but it can be entertaining at times.They keep me confused because sometimes I feel I'm rekindling old friendships, but then I feel pushed aside once again. I know people change, and that people drift apart, but I just feel affected that someone I used to be close to is someone I can't even have a simple conversation with nowadays. I've been trying hard to simulate the same level of closeness but all I get is a random chika session or the giddy greetings. I guess it's futile to even try.
It must be the whole leaving thing. :( Which I really thought about carefully. It was coming all along. It's just sad that so many other people are leaving as well. I feel a pang in my heart just thinking about the ones who are going to be left behind.
It's starting to sink in that I'm leaving, and I've been preparing little by little for the farewell which is about to come. I've been gradually taking home my personal possessions (the pics decorating my workspace, etc.), plus I've reorganized my files already. I'd better fix all of it so that the turnover will go smoothly.
The heaviness in my heart is overwhelming right now, I'm finding it hard to breathe. I can't believe it's already been 6 months since I started work there. I keep on praying to God that I find my calling this year, something which I will be proud to work for and aspire for. I feel so lost and confused. I'm still undecided where to go.
I just know that it has to be elsewhere.
13 days to go.
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Monday, December 25, 2006
1:33 PM
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Saturday, November 04, 2006
10:20 AM
It's been heaven (20%) and hell (80%), but it was nice all the same. :)
"Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends.." :)
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