Wednesday, January 24, 2007
1:37 AM
Forgive me if this post appears incoherent or downright sabog (pardon the so uncreative subject title).
It's been a month since I last checked my LJ account (dang that IT blocking the net!), and so much has happened.
God.
First off, I finally submitted my resignation letter, and my last day will be on Feb 9. However, I think I'll end up extending my stay until mid Feb, because I promised I'd finish my presentation 1st before leaving. Hopefully this will not be the case.
At the time in December, after several failed attempts at having my resignation letter accepted, I was so decided and intent on leaving. Fine, I was tired. Fine, I was sick of the exhaustion and the constant brain soupification because of the presentation. But when I got back to work this year, I felt a lot lighter, that I was more capable to handle my responsibilities. Lately I've been more relaxed and laidback at work, that sometimes I feel I should've thought twice before I resigned.
But I don't feel the "spark"; the excitement, so-called, that an ideal work provides. I don't feel passionate about what I'm doing. Aside from that, I don't think my personality really matches this job. But when I think about it, I don't necessarily want my experience in media to go to waste either. But sometimes I'm doubting if I'm actually meant to be in the advertising industry altogether. Maybe I should really shift industries now. I seriously don't know.
The girl replacing me came in last week. She's really nice and she's uber smart and talented (stat graduate from UP and a chorale singer), which only makes me reaffirm how unsuited I am to this job. There certainly are a lot more qualified than I, and I think I should allow them the opportunity to work for something they might potentially really enjoy and excel in.
The people at work keep me happy but they also keep me confused and angry and sad. :(I love the kulitan moments and the sarcastic wisecracks, the silly imitations and the gossip. Oh, the gossip. I know it's not nice to talk about other people, but it can be entertaining at times.They keep me confused because sometimes I feel I'm rekindling old friendships, but then I feel pushed aside once again. I know people change, and that people drift apart, but I just feel affected that someone I used to be close to is someone I can't even have a simple conversation with nowadays. I've been trying hard to simulate the same level of closeness but all I get is a random chika session or the giddy greetings. I guess it's futile to even try.
It must be the whole leaving thing. :( Which I really thought about carefully. It was coming all along. It's just sad that so many other people are leaving as well. I feel a pang in my heart just thinking about the ones who are going to be left behind.
It's starting to sink in that I'm leaving, and I've been preparing little by little for the farewell which is about to come. I've been gradually taking home my personal possessions (the pics decorating my workspace, etc.), plus I've reorganized my files already. I'd better fix all of it so that the turnover will go smoothly.
The heaviness in my heart is overwhelming right now, I'm finding it hard to breathe. I can't believe it's already been 6 months since I started work there. I keep on praying to God that I find my calling this year, something which I will be proud to work for and aspire for. I feel so lost and confused. I'm still undecided where to go.
I just know that it has to be elsewhere.
13 days to go.
_______________________________
